Mania

Mania The birdsDon’t singThey speakSpeak to meTheir secretsTheir lovesThey tell meEverything The noises, the noisesICould screamThat lullabySo loudIt was makingMy head explodeThe noises, the noisesThe kettleMy parent’s voicesAnd my headIn pieces The euphoriaThe singingThe laughing so loudlyI’m never tiredGuess who worked outAt midnight? My mind is so busyBuzzing, racing flyingNew ideas float aroundNew novels come…

20 Days In Hell

TW: PSYCHOSIS So, I relapsed. Badly. But instead of one of my usual mixed states followed by catatonic depression, this time it was Mania with Psychotic traits–meaning I still had insight (not all the time sadly), but I experienced symptoms of psychosis, especially hallucinations. And wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I saw people who weren’t…

World Bipolar Day / Riflessioni

Se scorrete fra gli articoli di questo blog, ne troverete altri datati 30 marzo. Alcuni li ho scritti in ospedale, altri a casa appena dimessa e ben poco capace di funzionare, ma il loro comune denominatore era il mio stare male. Non è che IO avevo il DB. Era il DB che aveva me. Poi,…

Ten Red Flags That Your Psychiatrist Is Incompetent (Or Blatantly Abusive)

They make you feel like you constantly need to prove how unwell you are. They accept diagnoses made by someone else without the blink of an eye. They slap labels on you/your behaviour. They try to turn every session into a psychotherapy session, which they are not trained for. They change one of your meds…

Unpacking Stuff — 200 Days in Real Recovery

I lost seven years of my life. There’s no silver lining. Lost is what they are. I’ve lost memories I cared about. All swallowed by my illness–entire road trips with my family, cancelled. I’ve lost the amazing relationship I had with my younger brother when we were young. Now we’re two adults sharing a house…

Treatment or Mistreatment: The Line Between The Two

I’d never thought my ex psychiatrist was mistreating me. I loved her. I was fond of her. When she left, I cried. Still, while I was under her care I ended up admitted to the acute ward and in two occasions to a long-term rehab facility after that, every single year starting from 2016 onwards….

What My Nightmares Are Made Of

Imagine a person who constantly tells professionals she wants to hurt herself because voices she hears are ordering her to. Imagine that person was admitted as an inpatient in this hospital three weeks ago and she is engaging in all sorts of self-harming behaviour. She’s leaving notes for doctors that repeatedly refer to these voices….

Me

I typed “The New Me” in the title field. Then I thought, why “NEW”? I have always been like this. My personality formed just like any other, shaped by events in life, people, deaths, grief, the books/shows you’ve loved, trauma, and a million other things. It can happen that, in forming, your personality shapes in…

Psychosis

Psychosis isBeing surrounded by people who love youAnd still being unsure whether to trust them Psychosis isLosing hope of ever getting betterWhenever your riddled brainis lucid enough to tell you’re unwell Psychosis is slurring your words because of how strong the meds areAnd you’d rather be six foot deep than uttering one more slurred word…

It was not my weekend nor it’s been my year

Misquoting ATL to write a wee update after that long post in Italian that none of you will have understood. It was a rant on depression and what it makes me feel like right now. My last post on here was on August 31st. Many things happened since then. I got into uni to study…